My Head is Going to Explode

Yes, I have some weird allergy/ear thing going on giving me headaches and dizzy spells, but that's not why my head is going to explode. It's going to explode from spending the day "communicating" with a toddler.

I was reminiscing today on Parker's baby days. You know, back when he would cry and cry and cry and I would wish he could talk so I could know what he needed right away. As a first time mom, I guess I didn't fully realize the implications of that wish. I decided that (as Parker finally finishes eating breakfast) I would share with you what a normal day is now like since Parker can talk (bear in mind I've already had to get up twice three four times to serve help Parker in the two fifteen minutes since I've started writing this).

So earlier this morning Parker was taking a bath after waking up soaked with pee, even after being wrapped in two overnight diapers (off topic question - at what age do kids usually stop needing a diaper/pull-up at night after they've already been potty trained? I'm seriously thinking it might still be worthwhile to invest in cloth diapers if P's still going to need something at night for awhile).

Back to the bath. He's in the bath playing with a toy shark while I'm sitting on the toilet drinking some tea. The shark he's playing with starts talking to me in a deep voice.

P: "Hello Mama. What are you doing today?"

Me: "I'm drinking some tea. What are you doing?"

P: "I'm just fine."

Me: (I bust out in a pathetic explanation of the difference between "how" and "what")

P: (still in shark voice) "Mama, how are you today?"

Me: "I'm OK -- a little tired though. How are you today?"

P: "I'm fine. What are you doing today, Mister Mama?"

Me: "Well, after I drink my tea, I'd like to eat breakfast, read my Bible, get dressed and then go grocery shopping."

P: (Reverting back to Parker) "No, I don't want to go! I want to stay here with Dada and play!"

Me: "Sorry, Bud. Dada went to work. It's Monday (start singing a lousy rendition of the Mama's and The Papa's song)... Hey, don't drink that water! It's soapy!"

P: "It's not soapy."

Me: "Yes it is. I just washed you with soap. Look at how cloudy it is!"

P: "Sharks like dirty water."

Me: "They do, huh?"

P: "Yes."

(A minute or two passes while Parker sings "Monday, Monday" and then he pauses to pick his nose and flick his prize into the water.)

P: "I put boogies in the water. Water boogies!" (He laughs like he made the best joke ever and proceeds to dig for more "water boogies.")

Me: (Clearly annoyed) "Are you ready to get out yet?"

P: "I don't want to go to the store! I want to stay here and play!"

Me: "Don't worry, Bud. You'll have time to play. Look at me. I'm not ready. I still have to eat breakfast and get dressed."

P: "I want to eat breakfast, too!"

Me: "OK. What do you want for breakfast?"

P: "Hmm... maybe nothing."

Me: "How about oatmeal?"

P: "Hmm... maybe juice."

Me: "You can have juice if you get out."

P: "OK. I want juice Mister Mama. I want to stay here in my warm towel and YOU get my juice."

Me: (Tempted to bow) "OK, fine." (Proceed to take him out of the bath and then get his [mostly water but don't tell him that] juice.)

P: "I want to go pee-pee, Mama!"

Me: "OK. Stand up, please, and let's go on the potty."

P: "No, I want to sit down on the potty."

Me: "OK, but you need to stand up first, Dude."

P: "I want my towel on. Put it on my back and make sure it doesn't get pee-pee on it. (After peeing) I want to go poo-poo, Mama. I need a magazine."

Me: (Thinking) Oh man, this is going to be a loooooooooong day.

In my prayer later: Thank you, Lord, for my son's ability to talk. I know I complain, and please forgive me for that, but I do appreciate his whiney cute little voice and his demanding sweet demeanor. May he live a long, full, blessed life. Amen.

Thank goodness God has a sense of humor (I hope).
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"Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him." - Proverbs 30:5

Conversations with (2.5 years old now!) Parker

July 25
We were visiting Jake's parents. Grandpa Dan had accidentally killed a large patch of grass. Parker looked at it and said, "That's a bummer."

July 28
Parker was sitting on the potty pulling on one of those little advertisement cards in a magazine and was getting rather frustrated. When I asked him what was wrong he said, "I'm trying to get this thingamajigger out!"

August 11
(Playing by himself with his cars)
Car #1: "Why, hello! Nice to meet you!"
Car #2: "You're not nice!"
Car #1: "I'm a teacher. I'm nice. Did you know that?"

(He matched them up like this by himself. Silly kid.)

Later...

Me: "Parker, buddy, guess what?"
P: "Chicken butt."

August 12
Me: "Parker, please don't drum on the table with your fork. You can use your hands to drum though."
P: "I don't want to drum with my hands! It's boring!"

Later...
Me: "Parker, do you want a vitamin and some milk now?"
P: "That's OK."
Me: "Does that mean you do want them or no?"
P: "That's OK."
Me: "Please say, 'yes I do want them' or 'no, I don't.'"
P: "Yes, I don't."


August 16
I handed Parker his electric toothbrush.
P: "Now I'm going to start it on, OK? OK."
Wait, was he talking to me? He either was talking to a voice in his head or decided to answer for me.

Later...
P: "I'm swinging like Christopher Robin?"
Me: "Which way does Christopher Robin swing?" (then laugh realizing what I just asked)

August 17
P singing: "This old man, he played three. He played knick-knack on my knee with a knick-knack paddy whack, talk about a bone, this old man came rolling home."


August 20
(swinging on the swing)
P: "I want to try the other one. This one's boring!"

Later...

Me: "Do you want to color?"
P: "Yes! For two hours!"



August 22
Me: "Did I make good eggs and pancakes, little man?"
P: "Yes!"
Me: "Whose do you like better, Mama's or Grandma's?"
P: "Mama's AND Grandma's!"
(such a smart boy) ;)

Later...

Me: "Parker, do you want to go to Guitar Center with Dada?"
P: "Yes."
Me: "And maybe somewhere else to get a new box for his latest amp project?"
P: "And we should get a guitar for his amp, too!"
(A boy after Dada's own heart)

August 26
P: "Oh no, Mama made a mess!"
Me: "I made a mess?"
P: "A different mama made a mess."
Me: "Oh."
P: "A different mama made a mess. She's at work and she spilled on the floor. Needs to wipe it up. And I'm not going to Dada's work today."
Me: "Um, OK then."

August 27
P whined and put his fingers in his mouth.

Me: "What's wrong? Do you have ouchie teeth?"
(shakes his head no)
Me: "Did you bite your tongue?"
(shakes his head no)
Me: "Are you just being whiney?"
P: (nods head) "Yes."

Later that day...

Parker was taking a shower and he started to pee. He grabbed his penis and pointed it up.

Me: "Don't point your penis up, the pee might get in your eyes or mouth!"
P: "I want to pee in my mouth!"
Me: "No, that's yucky!"
P: "I want to put my penis in my mouth!"

August 28
Parker was looking at a guitar magazine and noticed a "distressed" looking guitar.

P: "What happened to the paint?"
Me: "Oh, they did that on purpose. It's a design."
P: "Are you kidding me?"

I laugh. He turns the page and points to a man with longish hair.

P: "Does this look like Josh Brogan?"
Me: "I don't know, let me see. Oh, it does look a little like Josh Groban."
P: "Look at his hair!"
Me: "Yeah, is it kind of long and curly looking?"
P: "No, it's funny looking."

He should talk.

September 6
Parker was pretending to go to work and his little cousin Lily was following him. P turned and said, "NO, Lily! Don't go to work! It's MY work!"

October 1
We were on a walk and we stopped for a while to watch the cars on a main street.

P: "Look, Mama! A Smart car!" He paused to watch it drive by. "Who drives Smart cars?"
Me: "Smart people."
P: "I don't know any smart people."

October 2 (today)
Parker helped me sweep and clean the bathroom without me even asking him to, so after we were done I gave him high 5's, pound-it's and told him he could pick out as many stickers as he wanted. I left the room to let him pick them out and a few minutes later he came and found me and said, "I picked out two stickers for being too, too good!"

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"Nothing is as wonderful as knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Philippians 3:8